With the lack of road rage lately…I feel compelled to write about SOMETHING…so here goes!
Has your significant other, spouse, friend, parent or whoever told a story…however long or short it may be…that you have heard over 1000 times? Well…mine has. By mine, I mean my spouse, friend and parent. I will focus this blog on two of those stories.
The first is a story that my wife likes to tell…a short one. I will tell it as I recall her telling it herself. It usually comes up when we are driving and see a dead skunk in the middle of the road…or it can easily come up when we never actually see a dead skunk…but just smell one…I guess it could be dead or alive at this point. Anyway…I suspect it would come up anywhere we might see or smell a skunk…like at a zoo or if we ever went camping. Of course, that campground would have to have actual showers for my dear wife to even CONSIDER going camping. Back to the story…so we see or smell a skunk and she says, “This one time, when I was driving my Tercel, I hit a skunk on my way home and man did it stink! When I got home I got a can of Lysol and sprayed all up under my car to try and get the smell to go away. I had to do that for like a week!” End of story…yep…that’s it. But I have heard it over 1000 times! It is now referred to as, the “Skunk Story.” Matter of fact, when she…or I…begin to tell each other something that we have already told each other about…the other person says, “Skunk Story!” Which automatically means that she or I have already heard it. It doesn’t even have to be a story that we are trying to tell each other. If she tells me on Monday that she has a meeting on Thursday…and she tells me again on Wednesday about the same meeting…I yell, “Skunk Story!” It is usually followed by a look of disgust…or a look of “Kiss my a$$!”
The next story is a longer one. It comes from my neighbor Paul who is a State Trooper. I will tell it as I remember it as well…although I haven’t heard it 1000 times yet…but we HAVE only been neighbors almost two years so far. This story can come up anywhere…anytime. I have heard a few stories from this “Highway Patrolman”…but it is a good one. Well…at least the first three times I heard it. Paul tells his stories like myself…with great detail. He adds a little more than, “I hit a skunk and it stunk.” It goes something like this. “One night, I was waiting in the median in New Orleans when I heard some traffic come across the radio about a red motorcycle heading my way traveling in excess of 150mph. As soon as I acknowledge the transmission, I see him fly by me! So I start my pursuit and he continues to run. Well, he loses it and crashes. When I pull up, he is hurt but is trying to jump over a fence…but it’s kinda hard to do with two broke ankles. So I put him down on the ground and other troopers start to arrive. What I didn’t notice was that when I put him down on the ground…I put him down on an ant pile. All of a sudden he starts yelling about getting bit by all these ants. When the paramedics put him on the stretcher…they have to take off all his clothes because of the ants. The whole time traffic is slowing down and motorist are looking at what is happening when another trooper tells me we should cover the dude up so rubber-neckers don’t see a naked dude on the side of the road. So, I look around and find a Subway cup laying on the ground so I pick it up and put it over his junk. All of a sudden I hear the dude yelling and screaming about ants biting him again. I guess I didn’t realize that ants were in the cup drinking on the left over coke. Oh well!” End of story. Apparently, this event is well known throughout the State Police because he says he often is stopped by fellow troopers who say, “Hey, aren’t you the guy who put the Subway cup on…” “Yep…that’s me,” he says. Like I said…I have heard this story more than a few times…as well as his family. So when he begins to tell us a new story we always ask him if it involves a red motorcycle, and Subway cup, or ants…or any combination of the three. That too draws the look of, “Kiss my a$$!”